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Emotional Intelligence or Compassion?


Welcome to the Truly Rachel podcast. A little corner of hope, love and community! Keeping things light, yet meaningful in a heavy world. I do believe in having tough convos, and I have them often- yet I've chosen to create a virtual space for peace, love, and community.


Let’s get right into it.


Today we're talking about compassion.


Some may call it Emotional IQ/ it’s essentially the gift of compassion. The ability to feel what someone else might be going through. Putting on their lenses for a moment.


We tend to focus on ourselves, I know I slip into this- did said person target me or do that intentionally to me? I get it, a series of life events got us to those conclusions. Personally, in many cases, it’s not about me.


STORYTIME, I’m one of my mother’s caregivers. I took her to her doctor's appointment . We went to an urgent care, although the situation wasn’t urgent enough to go to the emergency room but concerning. The confident young doc in her Patagonia and Yeezys said curtly, "Why are you here, this is an urgent care, doesn't she have a PCP?"


I squinted like, "Uhm Sis, come again?" If y'all know me, I'm sweet, but the respect must be mutual. It took awhile but God has checked my City Girl behavior, and still does.


I chose not to react because my mother needed the care and as a caregiver I had to choose not to be reactive. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t hearing something differently from what was intended. I do have some insight on the healthcare crisis and understand the doctor is wearing a mask on a 12 hr + shift, she’s tired- I get it. I explained exactly how we got here, slowly- then she understood. In no way am I excusing her from her responsibility to show bedside manner, but in that moment- I chose to step out of the situation and show compassion.


I checked my tone- I was told by the closest people to me that my tone is off at times. Instantly, her walls came down. I asked her about the cross on her necklace and that led to a small conversation. The doctor was knowledgeable and eventually warmed up. My mom gave her a compliment and we ended up talking about girl stuff.


I'm going to share some reminders to help us get along with one another and difficult people. Just to preface it, we’re human and even if we don’t always get it right - at least trying to have compassion for each other goes along way. Everyone is fighting a private battle, what if we're the ones sent to rescue one another?


-The power of deep breathing: Taking deep controlled inhales and exhales has a physiological effect and essentially influences the mind. These techniques help settle the nervous system (not gonna get all scientific) and gets our emotions under control.


-Empathy: compassion for each other even if we can’t instantly relate. Turn on empathy. Remembering a time when someone showed me grace during a difficult time is a driver to pay it forward to someone else. When we disagree with a friend, colleague, person at the check out aisle or business partner- use empathy to see the issue from their perspective, before expressing your disagreement or opinion.


-Clarity: As I tell my kids, "Use your words." Well, for us adults- we will use our words wisely. Reiterating what the person in the tense situation has said, allows them to hear how they sound and vice versa. For example, "I understand that the PCP is the first step in the process and i'm aware this is an urgent care." Next, I reaffirm my needs and purpose, "I am here because my mother is staying with me and I need to deal with this concerning health issue. How can we resolve the issue?"


Acceptance: Accept others the way they are resisting the need to change them to be more like us or " I would’ve responded this way.” I accepted the doctor’s approach and worked with it to get to my goal. Also, this wasn't about me- but about my Mama Bear.


"Toxic Person Walk the Other Way": if it's in your power, step away for a second or walk away. Sometimes, all the deep breathing and techniques won't instantly change the situation. For the sake of your sanity, to avoid the draining energy it takes to "clap back" and peace of mind- stepping away from the situation is your place of freedom. We have to guard our hearts with all diligence to avoid falling into that web of drama. Stepping away and reflecting helps to spot if we're playing the villain role too- we're all a work in progress. Sometimes, "it's me, hi - I'm the problem it's me."

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That’s all for today. I will be cohosting at times with my husband, Kirk. If you have any questions, comments or prayer requests, pls send our way @ info@trulyrachel or DM me at truly_rachel.


Let's serve one another and be the light!

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